The Apartment Project – How Does A Better Future Become A Wedge Issue?
Possibly the biggest year and opportunity of my life (so far) to improve my (by extension our) future financial security. Could I have completed the project if our relationship was “whole”? Was it really a choice between a relationship now and a secure future later or did I manufacture that in my own head? If we still lived far apart, how would this project affect the relationship?
Cris gut/initial reaction when I first started talking about this project was “don’t do it”. I think that was coming from a place of concern for me being overwhelmed. I convinced myself that she wasn’t being selfish and simply saw it as adding an unmanageable amount of stress….but I’ve had a “chaotic” life like that before and got through it okay. Those times, I wasn’t in a long distance relationship.
Cris was clear she doesn’t have the patience for me to be working on projects on weekends. I saw it as a way to go after future dreams like bringing her mother to live here for the summers or an asset to use in 15-20 years for her small hotel dream. Did she understand the doors this project could open for us? It would be at the cost of discomfort and a little sacrifice for 6-9 months….for half our lifetime of benefits.
We would have still saw each other and would have to find a way to make Sunday evenings/weekdays work. We just could not expect to see each other not every single weekend during the phases that I’m responsible for – work that will save me $45-50,000 after material expenses. The only way to see each other every day was to live together (or much much closer if we’re apart).
Cris asked me long ago, if she didn’t get her Canadian citizenship and had to go back to Colombia, what would I do? I told her I would wait and done everything in my power to bring her back – I wanted Cris to be my life partner. Even if it meant me taking a leave of absence from work and going there temporarily until we can return. It’s one year for the rest of our lives together and I see that as a difficult sacrifice but with an amazing payoff.
I did the international long distance thing once before, right after college when I moved to Wales and Ashley moved to Australia for university. I was 27-28 when we left Hamilton to go overseas. A lot of individual change and growth can happen being apart that long at that age. I didn’t know if Ashley was my “forever person” but there was a chance. With that chance, I took the “risk”. We both faithfully waited for each other.
The difference with Cris is that I %100 know I wanted to spend my entire life with her. If she needed to leave for a year, I would have patiently waited for her like a stone. Is this where part of the subconscious frustrations came from? Was I becoming frustrated because she wanted our relationship NOW and did not have the patients to wait for the future? She flat out said in a text message “I will be bored by April”.
Funding the project and future financial gains
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