Category: Uncategorized



I just wanted to say hello and hope you’re doing well. I know it’s been a long time. 

One thing I’ve learned over the last couple of years is that I tend to hold onto things longer than most people. Even though I’ve been working on it, I still occasionally catch myself wondering what you’d…
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Laundry DetergentMy Dad came by the boat today to say goodbye. Heading back to Wales for a while to get some things set up for the future move. We were going out for lunch, and as we were leaving I grabbed a bag of laundry to wash while we were out. We just got to…
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Cris pushed back and told me not to do this. I’m still unsure if it was her selfishness, short shortsightedness or my inability to explain my vision. Maybe all three? I was asking for 2 days a week for myself for the first 3-4 months. The rest of the project, I had vacation time and…
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Last night as I was leaving Toronto, I drove by the main TD building that was her “home base” office. I got so emotional that I pulled over for a minute. I opened this post to work on today. It’s been saved and revisited for a long long time….and today when I reopened it, I…
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I have written about thoughts on my own “attachment style” (link), how it differs depending on if I view from the lens of my Mother, father or other relationships and different periods through out them. More often than not, I fall under “secure”. It also depends on what time frame I’m look at. With my…
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Over the last few months, the tone of my writing and audio/video notes has changed. I want to acknowledge what is happening and why this is important to my evolution. For a long time after my relationship with Cris ended, I carried the full weight of the blame. It felt like the obvious path…I was…
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I know you’ll never read this, but I’m writing it anyway. It’s for myself and to honour my truth and experience. Earlier today, I had a nap and had a rare dream with you. You appeared in a place I didn’t recognize and simply said, “It’s okay. You will be okay.”  I asked you for a…
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Voice-notes became a regular way of self expression right after I quit drinking alcohol a little over 9 months ago. Part of that is because it’s an easy way to document and review my thoughts, especially while driving. The other part was, I seriously started to question the way I express myself outwardly when communicating,…
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Este texto fue escrito originalmente en inglés y traducido al español con una aplicación. Pido disculpas si la traducción no es completamente precisa. Original in English and used a translator app for Spanish. I can’t verify the accuracy of the translation.———————————- Hola Yolanda, Escribí una carta para disculparme por mis acciones pasadas y el estrés…
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Hello Cris, I hope you’re doing okay and that you got your PR. Could you please send me any photos you have from when we carved your first jack-o-lantern, or any others from that time? My phone was water-damaged last November, and I lost a lot of memories that still mean a lot to me. The…
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There were many moments when Cris’s reactions made me feel unseen, like my intentions were being rewritten into something unrecognizable. I want to separate two things here. The first is emotional: my unfiltered, imperfect reaction to feeling misunderstood. The second part (still unfinished below) is analytical: what those moments reveal about how we both communicated,…
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Unfinished – reorganize and slim down before continuing. As great as this garage/apartment conversion project has been for my mental health and overall well being, there certainly have been many difficult moments emotionally. There is a lot to unpack, so I feel like this journal entry will be even more scattered and all over the…
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Introduction – Why I’m Writing This I have learned through therapy and my own “self development” that sharing extremely difficult experiences from the past is a way we can be vulnerable in relationships. Vulnerability creates bonds and closeness. It helps us understand and appreciate our partner more. Sharing these things helps us pause when there…
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Addition: There’s a good chunk of voice notes and video diaries that are relevant to my birthday and relationships. Thinking I’ll try to comb through them and add some stuff here.—https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17K44i3Yeq/?mibextid=wwXIfr—- I don’t know why this memory stuck with me but it did….and it happened exactly one year ago today, on September 22nd. It was…
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HER LAST WORDS – PART 1This is how I experience her last words to me. Below post written in one stream of thought while overly emotional. It’s an exercise in regulating myself when feeling turbulent. There are minor changes/additions for clarity. Following my “emotional rant” is a more rational breakdown of some of my thoughts…
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DRAFT – ADHD is incredibly misunderstood in the public sphere, my self included. My perceptions of this condition were wildly inaccurate. I’m learning with more clarity on how the way my brain works and viewing things from the perspective of clinically diagnosed ADHD Cris expressed something early in our relationship that I now realize had…
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Part 1 of 2 (maybe more) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNGOkzEgMu4/?igsh=eGlqOWE1OG5ybmgy Dr. Georgia Ede from Diary of a CEO podcast: People with ADHD are at much higher risk for suicidal ideation, substance abuse (especially alcohol). Higher risk for accidents. Higher risk for depression and anxiety. When undiagnosed, twice the rate of divorce. First, my emotional rant, in this Part…
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Mental Health + ContextI went almost two full weeks without my anti-depressant medication because of a backorder/supply issue. Around day 5 or 6 I started to really feel the shift. This medication, especially at the higher dosage I’m on, causes withdrawal effects if stopped suddenly. I knew that. Cris knew that. I just didn’t know…
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I want to thank you for helping send me on a path to finally eliminate my problems with drinking and my relationship with alcohol. It’s been almost 7 months and alcohol stays in the fridge when people leave things behind. I still sit in bars a lot but I happily drink non-alcoholic beers. I still…
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They gave me celebratory chips today—24 Hours, 1 month, 2 month and 3 months since quitting alcohol. It’s been exactly three months since I made the decision to quit. But I don’t feel proud. Because I remember what pushed me to quit: staring death in the face… and wanting to join “him“. Because I know…
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