Airport Tomorrow – March 26, 2025

I want you to know so you can feel comfortable, I won’t be at the airport….and I have a feeling you think I will be there.

I really really don’t want to bother you, Cris. I’m happy that you have a boyfriend.

I was there to tell you what happened to me the night I broke up with you and was hoping it would ease some of the pain I caused you. The hurtful things I said to deliberately hurt you were not true and came from a dark dark place….i didn’t want to live anymore.

That feeling was there already but I became confused, felt abandoned and became angry at you for shutting me out and refusing to talk to me on January 25th, when I needed to desperately talk the most. I was spiraling inside my head and created a version of you that is the furthest from reality. It’s not an excuse. Alcohol doesn’t matter…I broke a promise that I would never berate you with mean text messages again.

You were clearly scared of me at the airport and wouldn’t look me in the eye. I could see how much I hurt you. I wanted to know what you were afraid of.

I’m still looking for answers and trying to be better. But I’m afraid I will never find them and my pain will never truly heal…or worse, I heal based on false projections in my mind.

I hope one day we can talk and understand each other better. I was suffering way more than I realized for months. There are things I’m only beginning to understand about what I experienced from August to February…and I have no idea how much that negatively affected you or made you feel – it’s undeniable it had an affect on you in some way.

I sent this from multiple emails…..I have zero signs if you received any of them or they went to spam/blocked.