Being Ambiamorous, Misunderstood and Not Into Lizard Fingers
When it comes to conversations about loyalty, commitment and faithfulness, my views/feelings towards relationship dynamics are almost always misunderstood. It’s made for interesting conversations while dating in the past and even more on these recent dating adventures. Being ambiamorous (subscribing to both polygamy and monogamy) is difficult to explain to someone that lives inside the bounds of societal norms. My crude/simplistic analogies about ice cream flavours and food probably need to be refined.
I may have a divergent perspective from social norms, but that DOES NOT mean I lack control, give in to every urge, or break the boundaries of a relationship. Quite the opposite. When I’m in relationships, I am fiercely loyal and obey the agreement of the relationship, especially if it’s monogamous. Many would vouch for my ability to demonstrate self-control and restraint, especially in sexually intense situations (ask my current partner – I joke I channel my inner Welsh Druid). Aside from that, my partners more than likely would say I prioritize quality and connection over quantity (there’s still a high quantity in my relationships but the quality is always paramount).
My sexuality has always been unconventional and I’ve never truly found my “flock”. Too straight and cis gendered to explore with the queer community. A little too different for the hetero people. This always comes up once I start navigating relationships with cis-hetero females steadfast on “traditional relationships”, especially with religious upbringings.
Friends and family have always thought I’m bisexual. Cris even thought I wanted to bang one of my actual friends while she was trying to sleep (think that’s the weed oil talking). If I were ever to explore, it would have been very transparent and honest, for starters. Not to mention, construction hands and beards don’t exactly turn me on. I work with my hands with all my hobbies….and keep those soft with nice, neat finger nails…you know, that whole tactile exploration while being intimate thing? Nobody likes lizard fingers (apparently this nods to my nerodivergence thing too?).
I am almost void of jealousy and very very rarely feel anything close to being possessive in committed relationships. I understand why my partner will feel jealous and I try my best to avoid anything that would make them feel that way, within reason. I wouldn’t avoid having a female platonic friendship just because someone has extreme jealousy and insecurity issues. That wouldn’t be the person for me to be with anyway.
Circling back to ice cream and being ambiamorous…[more…]