Problems With Being Ambiamorous and the Confusion It Causes Others

I’m beginning to understand how confusing I can be in relationships. Sometimes that comes from my attachment style – a weird combination of secure/healthy (Thanks, Mom!) and fearful/disorganized (Thanks, dad), the way I view all sides of a disagreement, the way I express myself during conflict (eg: blurting out I’m never driving to Toronto even though my actions show otherwise). When it comes to conversations about loyalty, commitment and faithfulness, my views/feelings towards relationship dynamics are almost always misunderstood. It’s made for interesting conversations while dating in the past and even more on these recent dating adventures.

My sexuality has always been unconventional and I’ve never truly found my “flock”. Too straight and cis gendered to explore with the queer community. A little too different for the hetero people. This always comes up once I start navigating relationships with cis-hetero females steadfast on monogamy, especially with religious upbringings.

Friends and family have always thought I’m bisexual. Cris even thought I wanted to bang one of my actual friends while she was trying to sleep (think that’s the weed oil talking). If I was to ever to explore that, it would have been very transparent and honest, for starters. Not to mention, construction hands and beards don’t exactly turn me on. I work with my hands with all my hobbies….and keep those soft with nice, neat finger nails…you know, that whole tactile exploration while being intimate thing? Nobody likes lizard fingers.

I am almost void of jealousy and very very rarely feel anything close to being possessive in committed relationships. I understand why my partner will feel jealous and I try my best to avoid anything that would make them feel that way, within reason. I wouldn’t avoid having a female platonic friendship just because someone has extreme jealousy and insecurity issues. That wouldn’t be the person for me to be with anyway. [more…]