For Natalia – November 18th, 2025 Video BacklogToo many “diary” videos collected and not sure how to organize them yet. Thinking maybe running them through an A.I. app to summarize each one then group them by category and chronological order.
I feel most alive when I’m being creative and exploring my curiosities. I could see the same radiate from Cris when she danced. You could see her soul and lust for life. Even singing and dancing in the passenger seat of my dirty car, her bright spirit would outshine the brightest day. In my youth,…
Read more
At work, my team lead said something that instantly made me tear up and get emotional on a phone call this morning. My manager (different person) noticed signs back in December that something is not right with me. I was forgetting equipment all the time, missed/late for appointments, abnormal productivity and generally not in a…
Read more
Voice note Today, your first day back from Colombia, will be the last time I email you in an attempt to find answers from you. I want you to be happy and feel filled with love…even if it’s not with me. You deserve it. In Wales, they would say you have a heart of gold,…
Read more
My father has been a “sober alcoholic” for 35 years. My mother moved to Canada with him when she was 7 months pregnant with me. They had no social network and only a job offer for my dad. He was physically and verbally abusive when he drank. Football and bar fights with his friends in…
Read more
Possibly the biggest year and opportunity of my life (so far) to improve my (by extension our) future financial security. Could I have completed the project if our relationship was “whole”? Was it really a choice between a relationship now and a secure future later or did I manufacture that in my own head? If…
Read more
If someone read my messages on January 25th, they would think money was a major issue in our relationship. It never was – until I unintentionally made it an issue. But what was the source? On that day, while emotionally and mentally unstable, my mind clouded with obscene amounts of alcohol, my mental “logic” spiral…
Read more
One year ago today, I sent you a video in response to a heartbreaking letter you wrote to me. In part of it, I was talking about my relationship with alcohol and how much I needed to change.
Recently, I was hiding my drinking from you and everyone else in my life from September…
Read more
I came across old photos exactly 3 years ago when I started renovating my basement in St. Catharines, about 6 months before Cris and I started dating. It made me realize that so much has happened in my life but I’m in almost the exact same situation. Feeling the affects of depression (different causes). Feeling…
Read more
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It represented our worst times but most importantly, it shined a light on our unlimited potential together. Some of my most valued conversations with Cris were while we had extremely difficult conversations and documented the results in our book. To me, that was our relationship – two people who love each other deeply, willing to…
Read more
Pre-fightingPredicting and stating negative reactions BEFORE the “event” happened: What effect did this have on the relationship? How can someone say another person is going to be angry at a certain time when that person has done the same thing dozens of times without being angry? Random example: Telling someone they will be annoyed if…
Read more
Evidence based medicine is the foundation of the environment I work in every day. I’m not a care provider but my role is to support experts in delivering messages by telling the stories of their patients, research, medical practices and all the other happenings within our local hospital system. Part of our teams role is…
Read more
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It was a shock to see Cris with someone less than 7 weeks after we broke up. Their physical intimacy looked like this was not a brand new thing that started the same week either. In my heart, I know Cris wouldn’t cheat on me. Her moral values regarding faithfulness, truth and trust are extremely…
Read more
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
What are the effects? Is it because they don’t understand? Was it my fault for how I communicated the decline of my mental state? Do they care?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
What is the connection? Is it fair to judge someone by how they treat things that have different meaning to them than to you?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
He commutes to Hamilton. She works from home….in Toronto. Makes sense? What does it mean? How could that work? Would there be enough patients for the interim?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
When speaking from the heart, then having someone question your motives and if you’re being truthful: Is it fair or reasonable to become frustrated? How do you express yourself differently so your thoughts/feelings are understood? Is it their own past experiences that are pushing them to think you’re being deceitful?
How did two people from opposite corners of the world simultaneously cross paths in my world and change my views on a decision I made 10 years ago?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.